September is Suicide Prevention Awareness month, which is symbolized by a purple and turquoise ribbon. Another symbol people have used is the semi-colon to show that their story isn’t over. The purpose of the month is to raise awareness about suicide as it’s a serious health problem, and how everyone can play a role in preventing it, along with breaking the stigmas around suicide and to share the stories of people who were suicidal once in their lives.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevension, suicide is the leading cause of death in the United States with over 48,000 deaths in 2021. Also during 2021, an estimated 12.3 million adults seriously thought about suicide, 3.5 million made plans, and 1.7 million attempted as stated. Hawai’i currently ranks 39th among U.S. states for suicide death with 12.9 deaths per 100,000.
Yet, despite its low ranking compared to other U.S. states, suicide is still a leading cause of death in Hawai’i, especially among young people. It’s the 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10-24 and ages 24-34. The number is higher among high school students–nearly 20% reports about thoughts about suicide and 9% report a suicide attempt according to CAMS-Care.
I am one of that 20% and 9%.
While I may not be able to speak for all who are suffering from suicidal thoughts, I truly cared for my family and friends yet in those darker times I thought I was just a burden to them and a waste of space, and the thought of suicide was the only way for to make them happy. This thought and idea only worsened when my parents at the time who weren’t informed didn’t know the severity of it told me “It’s just a phase, you’ll get over it.” My parents had never dealt with such a thing and didn’t know what to do when I felt like this. This is a reason Suicide Prevention Month exists, to inform the public and what they can do to help.
-The Signs & How You Can Support-
[[Resources: Warning Signs for Suicide | NIMH » Warning Signs of Suicide ]]
Those who have lost loved ones to suicide wished they could have seen the signs, wished they could have done something to help. Those who die by suicide often show one or more of the warning signs for suicide. Learning the signs is important to recognize it in others, or in yourself.
- Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
- Talks in bleak terms ex: “I feel like a burden to others”, “Nothing matters”, “Everything is a pain.”
- Starting to give away precious/valuable things to others
- Socially isolating/Withdrawing from social contact
- Doing increasingly risky/destructive things to themselves
- Displaying extreme mood swings
- Eating or sleeping more or less
Some signs I have exhibited myself were displaying extreme mood swings and withdrawing from social contact. My friends and family could see these signs but didn’t know how to react so they just dismissed it.
One common factor of suicide is depression. Depression often makes people believe that nobody understands them, that nobody loves them and is there to listen to them. Depression can trick a person to believe that their family and friends would rather not be bothered by them and their problems. It can warp their mindset into believing that nobody is going to be there to listen to how they feel. Like a little buzzing fly around their head, whispering lies and hurtful stuff into their ears; no matter how much they try to make it go away it always lingers.
When approaching someone who is feeling this way rather than try to lighten the mood, show your concern through active listening. Listen and try to understand what life is like for them at this moment. Try to understand their pain and fears. When having these conversations with them the focus shouldn’t be on ‘fixing’ them. I’ve had trouble finding someone who could listen to me without judgment and jumping to solutions and conclusions, but I was able to find that in my therapist. They listened and offered me a shoulder to cry on, never getting mad at me for feeling this way, and instead sympathized and understood how I felt.
To be an active listener you must communicate with a non-judgmental attitude and accepting attitude. Remember validation and being heard is important. Show that you are paying attention, maintaing eye contact while offering brief affirmation that you are listening such as “I see” or “I get it.” Clarify and restate/summarize what they have been saying, to show you have been actively listening to them. This also allows them to clarify things they have said along with letting them think about what they are saying and feeling. Let them talk at their own pace, creating their own flow of the conversion. If they are having a hard time opening up on a painful topic, it’s okay to provide a little encouragement to keep on speaking. Just remember to do it gently, not rushing them or pressing them. Finally, looking for non-verbal cues and body language can also tell you how they are feeling. Such as how they are sitting and standing, their posture, and what kind of gestures they are doing.
-Why Would They Do It-
Suicide can be a factor of many different things, not just one singular thing. It can range from individual, relationship, community and societal risk factors as stated by the CDC.
Some factors/reasons someone may try to commit suicide are:
- History of depression and other mental illness | Serious illness such as chronic pain
- Bullying
- Discrimination
- Job/Financial problems or loss
- Current or prior history of adverse childhood experiences
- Loss of relationships | High conflict or violent relationships
- Lack of access to healthcare
- Access to guns or firearms in the house
It is difficult to tell who will act on suicidal thoughts, as suicidal thoughts don’t have one look and can look different in everyone. The risk factors are still important to keep in mind, with someone showing warning signs of suicide may be at higher risk.
I’ve had many risk factors in my life one big thing is the loss of relationships in the form of friends. At the surface it may sound childish to you, but deep down those friends were everything to me at that time. My social skills were never the best so when they left, I felt so lost and alone. I felt like I wasn’t good enough and it was all my fault for losing them.
-Suicide Is Not Selfish-
Sadly there is a lot of stigma and hurtful misconception surrounding suicide, that makes it harder for those suffering from suicidal thoughts to reach out and ask for help. A common misconception that comes to mind is that “Suicide is selfish.” Suicide is not selfish, suicide is a cry for help.
One might counterargue “You’ll bring unbearable pain to your loved ones if you do kill yourself,” but as a society, we need to understand suicide happens in a moment of intense emotional or mental health crisis. People get to the point where they can not tolerate this pain anymore, and feel like suicide is the only way to end their pain and suffering–
Suicide as of now is still an ongoing problem that needs to be addressed and made aware of. Even while it’s not Suicide Prevention Month, continue to learn about the signs and ways you can help your loved ones. Lend a shoulder for them to cry on, be there for them and listen without judgment.
Let them know they are not alone.
If you or a loved one is going through difficult times here are some resources you can text or call for help:
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline | 988
Crisi Text Line: Text ‘ALOHA’ to 741741
Hawaii CARES | 1-808-832-3100
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline| 1-808-2730-TALK (8255)
Self-Harm Hotline| 1-808-366-8288
The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ Community) | Text ‘START’ to 678-678 | Call 1-866-488-7468
[[Links/Resources]]
Suicide Prevention Month: Partner Toolkit.
Provisional Suicide Deaths in the United States, 2022 | CDC Online Newsroom
Fatal Injury Trends | Injury Center | CDC
NIMH » Warning Signs of Suicide
Risk and Protective Factors | Suicide | CDC
NIMH » Frequently Asked Questions About Suicide
Stop Saying Suicide Is “Selfish” – San Diego | API
